4.18.2010

A Source Of Both

A family is and has everything.

A family is a source of happiness in many ways; a family is a source of loneliness in some ways.

I, with my weird personality, know almost every whisper that are uttered by everyone in our home. The family (dad's side - I am much closer to this side than my mom's) is quite big. And we are very family-oriented (since I live in a country wherein family comes first all the time - or so it seemed). Those secrets that I have kept for so long are always appearing inside my mind's eye (non-stop, I guess). For a child that I was, the memories were too much. I think it caused a psychological effect on me. And for the current me, it is more than too much (just think about the number of years that had passed since those days when I was still a child and the number of secrets I uncovered and had to keep and bury through those seconds that ticked away).

Of course, I have my own secrets, too. But those are well-hidden with my smile. A smile I have for so many years already. A smile that will only shatters when I cannot hold on anymore. A smile that I am tired of.

What will happen to the future "I"?

With every minute, I hear those whispers that are only meant for me. With every hour, I understand all those words as if a dictionary has appeared before me. With every week, I know all those sentences by heart. With every month, I can write an essay with all the data in mind. And with each passing year, I see a memory of feelings from each member of this family (including myself, of course).

A memory that is sometimes full of happiness; a memory that is always full of loneliness.

What will happen to this family?

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